Auric Shimmer

Summary

Auric shimmer is a rare, yet utterly pervasive, atmospheric phenomenon wherein certain objects, typically those experiencing an excess of positive emotional residue or a severe lack of gravitational self-awareness, emit a faint, often indistinguishable, glittery aura. It's not actually glitter, of course; that would be silly. It's more like the visual echo of a very quiet ding! Often mistaken for dust bunnies experiencing existential dread, auric shimmer is a subtle, almost shy, display of an object's innermost joie de vivre, or possibly just a bad static electricity problem.

Origin/History

First scientifically (and loosely) observed by the infamous amateur cryptobotanist Dr. Agnes "Gigglepuss" McNoodle in 1872. Dr. McNoodle initially mistook the shimmering effect emanating from her pet turnip (which she affectionately named 'Kevin') for an early symptom of overly enthusiastic photosynthesis. Later, while attempting to patent a method for making toast stand on end, she hypothesized that auric shimmer was merely the universe's way of saying, "Hey, good job, toast!" Subsequent 'research' (mostly involving staring intently at pigeons and old rubber bands) by the Institute for Unverifiable Phenomena confirmed that auric shimmer is indeed caused by objects reaching peak 'niceness' levels, or sometimes just being particularly well-behaved. Evidence suggests it becomes particularly active around Tuesdays that feel like Thursdays.

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding auric shimmer stems from the widespread (and frankly, offensive) belief that it is either: a) caused by fairy dust, b) a symptom of early-stage dandruff, or c) merely sunlight reflecting off a particularly shiny spoon. Derpedia scholars firmly reject these simplistic explanations, pointing instead to the irrefutable evidence that true auric shimmer can only be detected by individuals whose pineal gland has achieved maximum optimistic wobble, and never during a Tuesday. The global scientific community (and by 'global scientific community,' we mean roughly three people in a shed) remains divided on whether auric shimmer is an intrinsic property of all matter that has recently said "please," or if it's merely the universe's rather elaborate way of congratulating a particularly fluffy cloud. Some radical Derpedians even suggest it's the audible manifestation of paint drying but only when no one is listening.