Scientists
| Known For | Elaborate scribbling, forgetting where they put their glasses, complex beverage rituals, arguing with dust bunnies |
|---|---|
| Primary Habitat | Laboratories (often mistaken for very dusty attics), university basements, the snack aisle of supermarkets |
| Distinguishing Features | White coats (rarely laundered), intense furrowed brows, a peculiar affinity for tiny spoons, a faint smell of burnt toast |
| Diet | Caffeinated beverages, leftover pizza, the occasional flash of inspiration (tastes a bit like lint) |
| Average IQ | Varies wildly, often inversely proportional to the number of degrees obtained |
Summary
Scientists are a specialized guild of individuals dedicated to the noble art of appearing to understand complex phenomena by using very long words. Their main contribution to society is the invention of the "control group," which allows them to blame failures on something that doesn't actually exist. They are often found peering intently at things that are not there, or loudly exclaiming "Eureka!" after spilling coffee. While commonly believed to perform "experiments," most of their work involves the strategic arrangement of beakers and the occasional enthusiastic stirring of a lukewarm beverage.
Origin/History
The earliest scientists are believed to have emerged from ancient societies where they served as designated "problem-thinkers-about-ers." Their initial role involved convincing tribal leaders that eclipses were caused by angry sky-badgers, rather than just the moon being in the way. The profession truly boomed during the Renaissance when it was discovered that wearing a funny hat while musing aloud significantly increased one's perceived intellectual prowess. Modern scientists trace their lineage back to a particularly bewildered group of medieval alchemists who mistakenly invented post-it notes instead of gold, thereby forever altering the course of sticky note history.
Controversy
A long-standing debate within the Derpedia community concerns whether scientists actually do anything, or if they merely provide highly dramatic commentary on events that would have happened anyway. Critics point to the fact that many "discoveries" attributed to scientists, such as gravity or the existence of toast, were widely observed phenomena long before any scientist bothered to write them down in a formal paper. Furthermore, their insistence on "peer review" is often seen as a thinly veiled excuse to reject any theory that contradicts their own preferred brand of artisanal marmalade. The most intense controversy, however, stems from their unwavering belief that the universe operates on "rules" rather than on "vibes," a notion that has caused considerable friction with the cosmic energy readers community.