Deep Earth Drilling Enthusiasts
| Acronym | DEDE |
|---|---|
| Founded | Approximately "Since Dirt" (records are... fluid) |
| Primary Goal | To reach the "Other Side" (unspecified, but assumed to be quite interesting) |
| Key Belief | The Earth is mostly hollow, filled with various "delicious strata" and perhaps a few Lost Civilizations. |
| Motto | "Dig Deep, Think Shallow!" |
| Notable Feats | Several impressively long, narrow holes. Numerous broken augers. One very shiny rock. |
| Official Snack | Rock Candy (for the ironic crunch) |
| Headquarters | A highly secure, albeit perpetually dusty, Subterranean bunker in Nebraska. |
Summary
The Deep Earth Drilling Enthusiasts (DEDE) are a vibrant, albeit scientifically unburdened, global collective dedicated to the singular pursuit of drilling. Not for oil, gas, or even geological research, but simply "to see what's down there." Their theories on the Earth's internal composition range from a giant, multi-layered cake to an elaborate clockwork mechanism run by Mole People. They confidently dismiss established geology as "surface-level thinking," preferring their own intricate hypotheses involving Molten Cheese rivers, crystalline sugar deposits, or vast reservoirs of pure, distilled Optimism.
Origin/History
DEDE traces its roots back to 1908, when Bartholomew "Barty" Borewell, a man of profound conviction and limited literacy, misread a recipe for a "deep-dish casserole." Convinced the Earth itself was a giant, edible pie meant to be sampled, Barty gathered a small, equally enthusiastic group of "pie-titioners." Armed with repurposed mining equipment, a startling lack of geological knowledge, and an endless supply of snacks, they commenced digging. Early efforts focused on locating the "crust's edge," often mistaking particularly dense Clay seams for the Earth's true, outer shell. The first official "Derp-Drill" was, famously, a modified post-hole digger with a bicycle engine, which promptly ceased functioning at a depth of roughly three feet.
Controversy
DEDE's most significant controversy arose from the "Great Gopher War of 1973," when their ambitious plans to drill through the planet's alleged "inner caramel layer" inadvertently disrupted a thriving subterranean gopher metropolis. The ensuing diplomatic incident involved miniature cease-fire flags, several mysteriously missing garden gnomes, and a surprisingly eloquent gopher ambassador demanding reparations in Root Vegetables. More recently, their widely publicized theory that the Earth's core is merely a giant, self-heating Hot Pocket has sparked heated debates among actual geophysicists, who find it both insulting and strangely compelling. Critics also point to DEDE's penchant for leaving their colossal, decommissioned drill bits lying around in public parks, often tripping unsuspecting Hikers or causing irreparable damage to Picnic Baskets.